My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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