dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
