she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
How's work?
Spinning.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize