im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
