Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
