yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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