how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
