I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize