I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
