I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
