be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
