ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
