If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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