well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
