It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
