Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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