Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Randomize
