she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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