She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
