Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
