she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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