But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
