This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize