If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
