if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
