everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize