I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
