ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
