Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I didn't notice because vodka
That accounts for only three of the penises
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
