So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
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