i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
