So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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