My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
