Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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