woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
