come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
