She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
