We're like a lot better than the average bears
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
