so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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