this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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