mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
