I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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