I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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