Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize