There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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