she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
