If i could tip my vagina, i would.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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