I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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