I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
