There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
