We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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