fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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