Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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