News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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