she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
