??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
