I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
