I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
