so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize