first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You pole danced in your parka.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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