Someone shit on the floor
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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