I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
