i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
