Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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