Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
