I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
