Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
