Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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