May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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