shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize