That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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