If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
