I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
