I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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