the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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