What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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