i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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