they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize