And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
