Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
