Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
