Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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