I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
