Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
