I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
