i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
false alarm, still single
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