$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize