We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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