You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize